I Feel Like

 I feel like
I don’t have the right to any love song
Because nobody’s ever been in love with me
I feel love
All the love I’ve felt with intensity
But it’s never been received or inspired reciprocity.
I know that
I’m alive and that life should validate me
That breath and beats through blood and veins should
Somehow prove I’m not in vain and life wants me,
But I’m alone.
Real but unknown.
And for that reason though I do exist I do not matter
And to matter is to be.
I am alive:
I feel and know and breathe,
But I’ve yet to be.
Loved.
To have someone breathe me,
Feel me,
Know me,
Believe they exist because of me.
Believe in me.
…believe in me.
And Poetry’s the key I think
To a scattered mind and shattered heart
It lets the pieces be and connects instead
The intent that runs between
Because Hell was paved with intentions
I know where my life will lead
And I follow that path with the only
Loyalty I know.
Commitment to
What I was taught I deserve
Not seeing another road.
Hoping that this effort,
Though in the wrong direction,
Will prove my worthy heart
To a watchful eye that has the eye for this,
And can turn me right and lead me back to better.
So onward I go.
In the wrong direction with the right intention
On to a firey fate no less painful then the road
So onward I go
Hoping someone will know and see
There’s beauty inside of me,
Despite the misdirection.
That the pieces broken and shadows scattered
Are ragged and rough but not dirty or matted
And the intentions are more then would-bes or ifs;
Ideals that will never be real.
They are faith in a flutter and awkward and skewed
But faith none the less and true,
And they’ll see it and know
I deserve their hand
To pull me around or just hold,
And believe in me without intent but truth
Despite what they’ve seen or heard or knew.
And know with faith now instead of with reason
That I’m the right way for their intents and teaching
Without a doubt.
With a glance
And a breath out.
It’s you.
It’s me.
It’s right and meant to be
And we’re both saved, irrationally.

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