STARBUCKS!!!!

I’m back in the big, bad, Mermaid Clad mogul! Thank God for it; no public library is open at 8 p.m. (at least not in CT). So, our bellies are full!!!! Yeay! My son is having a sleep over with his friend this evening so he doesn’t have to be crunched in bed with mom tonight. I’m still not sure I’m going to have a bed tonight, but we’ve discussed this. As long as my son has a bed it’s cool. Shelby and I love the car. I still want to do a camping trip. A friend of mine told me about a free campsite in NY state, about 50 minutes from here so….it’s definitely an option. I think it would be fun. I made sure to grab our tent out of public storage before rent was due. I’m always late in paying so we’re locked out of our unit at least two weeks every month until I can pay up. Knew I’d need the tent though ;).
I had an interesting day on the phone with a variety of services that I’m looking into. I want to be really accurate here when I tell of them because if anyone needs them, I really hope they’ll be able to pick up some advice from this blog. I’d applied to social service for CT state last week. I hadn’t heard from them and was getting antsy. I know it takes time to process the paperwork but what I’ve been learning the hard way is if I don’t speak up then I’m going to keep getting passed over. We can’t afford that anymore. I’ve gotta speak up! So I called today and left a message for one of the workers there that said HEY! We’re homeless, we really need some attention here. They called back in a couple of hours. Hell yeah I was shocked! Really happy though. After talking to the gentlemen (he sounded so young,… I wondered, why the hell don’t I have THIS job?- not HIS job, but one like it) I was granted food stamps (which will come in handy and take an edge off expenses until we’re completely recovered) and, though the process for cash assistance is more in depth and will take more time, he told me of an organization that could help me with putting together money for a security deposit on an apartment. The program is called:
PERSON to PERSON
(203) 655-0048
The state worker told me they could help with a number of things. I didn’t have the chance to call today (my phone has been dead since 2:30) but I’ll get on it right away tomorrow. I’m not sure whether it’s just a CT program or not but if it can help someone then I’m glad to know it. I didn’t know the program existed until today, so… pass it on, right? I also left a message for the town of Wilton’s social services office. Maybe most people don’t know this, but most towns have their own offices in addition to the state’s office. They tend to be really great resources and from my experience with Wilton’s office, can expedite help much more quickly. They have connections to local churches, funds and centers that have resources the state wouldn’t know about. I’ve been receiving help from private citizens that just want to help. I got a little bit frustrated today when one of these individuals told me to call social services,… I knew that!!! I realize I’m broke, but I’m not stupid. The reason I’d agreed to accept help from them was because they came to me through a friend and offered privately. Why then would they need me to go to social services??? It was frustrating and a bit confusing, but still they want to help and have the best intentions so I shouldn’t be thinking this way. I get like this. I question things. Sometimes it’s for the better but not always. If something doesn’t make sense though, it just eats at me. I appreciate every offer to help. Sometimes I just can’t juggle everything coming at me at once.
I know, poor me right? Having to juggle all these offers to help???
I just wish people would allow me to maintain integrity while I beg. A beggar’s integrity. Not that I’m begging, but I am accepting hand-outs, so that’s how I’d feel. If the situation were reversed I wouldn’t think of the person I was helping as a beggar. I know it, and honestly I’ve been on the opposite side. I’m just really proud, too proud, and I think I really hate needing help right now. I don’t like asking for it and I hate that I need it. This period in my life must be a much needed lesson in humility. A break through of this burdensome carapace I’ve grown over the years; to hide in, to ram people with, and to feel protected by. I can’t knock  it too much though, I’d probably break my hand- LOL!
My son is bored as hell. He is sitting across from me at Starbucks and unfortunately has left his Nintendo DS inside the house we slept in last night. We can’t get back in until my friend’s come back from doing estimates for his business (his a tree man- He owns Greenleaf Tree Service). Heck I should plug him right?? He opened his home to us for God sake. But I guess he doesn’t feel comfortable with us being in the house when he isn’t there??? Because we weren’t allowed to stay while he went out working so… So I guess it’s kind of like living by shelter rules, only in a much better, safer and all around friendly context. Fine. Inconvenient, but Shut-up Michelle…. it’s been a place to stay for the past couple of days. It’s just that it gets to me, these little kind of behaviors that come up with everybody who has let us stay for awhile. It’s like they’re saying, “Absolutely, you can stay,… but it’s not your home, so don’t get too comfortable”. So I never get to comfortable and I’m always on edge. I suppose complete gratitude would register is I didn’t have to stay partially on the defense because, we’re not completely welcome anywhere. Like friends, or guests… even though we started out as friends (or family), before we ended up homeless… Just always ready to be on the move, that’s all. It’s how things have to be for now.
LOL. My son is doing self-made magic tricks with the green straws his collected from the counter. He’s perfect. Really. I’d love to attach this photo of him and his “super straw”… drinking from a bottle of ethos water from two feet away! Then he was using it as a spit ball cannon. OMG!!! He’s my salvation! He breaks through my carapace. I feel like relaxing just by looking at him… and Shelby… her breath does that to me (eww right?) but it does, just smelling her calms me down. She’s like my personal aromatherapy. Still weird… (he he he) I know. I may be able to attach the photo later… my phone died again. I’ll get there.
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