Faith

All I can say is “I’m sorry”, so sorry for the ingratitude and the anger and frustration that I demonstrated when I had the chance to rejoice and be happy. I was so caught up in the distraction offered by my usual dream that I forgot to say thank you. Thank you to the universe and to God and to all my friends. Most importantly I allowed negativity to take over. I focused on only things that make me hurt, confused, miserable. Yesterday was blue sky beautiful and sunny. Today is cloudy and rainy. I took a wonderful and repaid it’s blessing with only thoughts of terrible, turmoil and HATE. Yes, Hate. I hated so hard yesterday it’s no wonder I got whip lash today. But I love the lesson I’ve learned. I sit on the other side of this computer today with my fingers scrambling for keys because I’m exhilarated by what I’ve been taught. I know now that what I feel really does affect my world. That when I decide to be hateful and hurtful and focus only on what I don’t have then that is what I do have and it’s nothing that I want. So today, where am I ?
-Sitting in the middle of rain shower under a grey sky. And you know what I’m thinkin’?:

 How is this sky so bright when there are clouds covering the sun?
As soon as the rain drops hit my shoulders I thought:

I’m being washed clean. I’m being sent a new start. I’m being refreshed and renewed and I am absolutely BLESSED for this demonstration of goodness from a universe that could have turned it’s back on me.

Law of attraction aside, thinking happy thoughts is good for the soul. If getting what you want means first appreciating what you have then it’s a lesson I should have learned long ago. My inspiration shouldn’t be future gain. It should be immediate calm and peace. Because I have a healthy, beautiful boy and an angel in canine form that love me more then life and I’d traverse hell and walk into death for them both. And heaven would be with me all the while. Heaven is a state of acceptance. Acceptance that I can not control and actually do not want to control a thing outside my own feelings. And what I feel reflects in my eyes, skin and energy and permeates everyone around me, including the earth. It’s alive. The air is alive. And it’s remarkable to be breathing. I read that the other day, in the incomparable To Kill a Mocking Bird – “Until I feared I would lose it, I never loved to read. One does not love breathing.” It’s an understated wisdom. Much in the vain of  Joanie Mitchell’s “Don’t it always seem to go, you don’t know what you got ’til it’s gone”. Perhaps I’ve been blessed beyond belief. Because I received a little lesson in “I told you so” from the  universe itself. I love to breath. I am exhilarated by breath. I CAN BREATH… and be washed cleaned, by an incomparable universe that pulls, pushes, slaps and kicks me just when I need it most, but never too hard to harm me. Today, I am renewed. I am saved every moment I draw breath. And best of all, I am loved. Only those that love you have faith in you enough to know just when to give you a swift kick in the ass. Hey guys… aim for the hole! OOOoohhhhh, no I  didn’t! 😉

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