Obviously I am very frustrated tonight. I’m sorry for the out pouring of negativity. I have had many beautiful things happen to me through out these past few months and I am humbled and inspired by it. I’d like to write a little about that before I go to bed, just to put me in the right frame of mind. But maybe what I need is not to forget my frustrations, but to figure out how to turn them into something progressive. Writing has been a God sent. I like seeing my ideas on a page and being able to review them, revise them and even respond to them. I’m the master of the Socratic method; deconstruction for the purpose of proper reconstruction- weeding out the weak points. But I’ll debate with myself. Oh yes… full on conversations. It’s the way I think. Entirely out loud. Call me crazy. I don’t mind. And I wouldn’t argue.
But beyond my angst: My son is having his first sleepover in our new place! I felt bad about not having snacks for the kids and them having to sleep on an air mattress, but the wild things seemed to have fun. They knocked themselves out around 11:30 p.m. They were waiting to use the computer I’m typing on right now. I promised I’d hand it over once I was finished blogging. Who knew I had three blogs in me? No, honestly, I didn’t. My son had hogged the computer for the past two days. I was tweeting from my phone (excuse all the typing errors). And I was so sick I couldn’t keep my eyes open for long, so I really didn’t mind. But I had a creative build up. And now I can’t stop. Poor kids. They waited patiently. And they bored themselves to sleep in the process. Oh I love it. Now they are sound asleep, well fed and I even got them to brush their teeth. Maybe I’m not such a bad mom after all? I really adore them. Substituting has taught me so much about wrangling children, especially when they have no initial respect for you. Of course, not the case here as I’m speaking of my son and one of his best friends, but still, they get out of hand, these young men. I have a difficult time gaging when to intervene on the pillow fights, which OUCHES are sincere ones, when to say when, when to call time out and when to just let them play. I’ve done my best. And now they’re sound asleep. It’s God’s little reward, so I must have done something right.
As I was writing, I discovered something to be grateful for. I’m stressed about next month, money coming in, boys at play; in other words, small stuff. And that is because I’m safe, with a warm and well situated roof over my head and a full belly to go to sleep on. And so naturally, I’ve found bull shit to complain about. I shake my head at myself. Oh Michelle; you really have a lot of work to do. Which I’m also grateful for. Because I don’t have time to be bored. I have jobs to search for. I have opportunities to pursue. And I have a book to read! Oh soooo indulgent- LOL. I need a boyfriend *Must love kids and dogs* ;P