No Brakes

So, it’s good and official.
I have NO brakes.
When I went to bed last night I swear, they were hanging on by a thread. But now. Nope.
They’re good and gone.
Found out when I put it in reverse to back out of my sister’s driveway. Hit her fence. The fence is okay. I busted a tail light though. Which probably wouldn’t have happened if I had a rear bumper. But that fell off back in May. Just fell off. No contact. Turns out the guy who sold it to me neglected to tell me a few things. Like the body of the car, especially the under belly, was completely rotted out and there were holes in the floor of the car covered only by floor mats. And holes in the gas tank. Found that out in June when my best friend @joespnut was kind enough to fill the tank for me. And the fuel just started pouring out. So I just don’t fill it anymore. I’d been so broke that I’d never filled it before that point and wasn’t planning on being able to fill it again, so that problem seemed solved. But the bumper fell off as I was driving down the road one day. Just driving. The scratch and drag made me think I’d popped a tire. Nope. It was the bumper. Turned out the body rot extended to the brackets that held the bumper on. So, it just crumbled off. The old owner must have known this because the string he’d used to secure one of the sides was revealed. Yup.
So, now, no brakes. And I’ve known this for a while. Like three weeks. But I haven’t been able to do anything about it because, well,
I’m broke. And If you can’t pay mechanics, its turns out they won’t work for you. Pretty basic. Only a $235 job. Easily fixed had child support come in. But I can’t go back there right?


So now, I’m home. My son, Douglas, is with my sister, who I’m happy to say I’ve been getting along with lately. It won’t last. As soon as we start spending any significant amount of time with each other shit starts to fly, but for now, the congeniality feels nice. Douglas likes her though. And she loves him, I know. He’s the only one she allows to hug her. Pretty powerful right? She just doesn’t love very well.



Did this asshole just seriously think he was getting laid?

Let me explain.
I had about an hour interruption between now and when I started this blog. My son’s father came over to pick up Douglas. But Douglas isn’t here. Which he would have known if he’d bothered to contact me. He was supposed to pick Douglas up yesterday. He never showed. He was also supposed to be at Douglas’s PPT meeting on Thursday. Never showed. And now he just pops in to pick Douglas up and you know what? Douglas isn’t here. Why would we have waited around? What I don’t like is that this man assumes that he can do ABSOLUTELY NOTHING for me, but still have access to the most intimate parts of me. Jesus, he hasn’t paid child support for months! He NEVER loved me, left me knocked up and alone, struggling to provide for OUR son, a son that now he disappoints on the regular. Yeah. But I’m supposed to be CRAZY about him. And DESIRE him? And be ATTRACTED to him? Oh boy… wish I had some of that confidence. Wish I could give absolutely NOTHING but expect, YES, expect everything. Amazing. And irritating. And I turned that asshole away with a smirk and a pat on my own back. Ew.
Enough of having people in my life that don’t contribute to it. In ANYway.

Anyway, just wanted to explain the sudden change of thought.

Getting back,…

This is what I deal with daily. From a CRAZY baby daddy who believes, honestly believes, I am his “go to” when he wants a quick lay even though he has a steady girlfriend (I haven’t slept with that man for two years and I’m not going to again), to a car without brakes that is now sliding into fences, to a shower that still isn’t running hot water, all driven by a banking account that is perpetually empty.

And so.

Here I sit.

Happy to be with you, whomever “You” may be and hoping I don’t offend anyone with the next blog that I’ve been inspired to write. Because it is kind of serious. But it’s a touchy subject.
For now I’ll sign off. I have to shower.

Thank you for listening by the way. It’s nice to know I’m not alone. 🙂

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