Back to the Beginning

     Today marks the beginning of the last week in September and that means that next month’s rent is due. I don’t mind saying this month I am depending on the arrearage check that is supposed to come in on September 30th. I have not worked enough to pay the rent without it. Though my job search has been encouraging I haven’t been offered any permanent positions yet and until then I continue to substitute teach in Stamford, CT as often as I can. It is stressful, each day waking up at 5 a.m. to check the Subfinder website every 15 minutes for any and all positions that may be available. And a week like next week, which happens far too often in the school system, where work days are lessened because of school holidays, that causes a great deal of anxiety. I am working regularly which makes me feel good about myself. But I am still not working enough and I am fed up with the limited and strenuous life style we’re having to settle for because of it. I just want us to be secure. I’m fighting like crazy to get us there. Right now however we have no security. We are vulnerable to every, any and all changes or inconsistencies in the school system. And I’m worried. Because next month comes at the end of this week and I’m depending on a bunch of “shoulds” to occur for us to be okay. I can’t even think of my debt to my friends. I’m proud of myself though, because I’m not lazy. I just don’t make enough money right now. But I’m resigned to NEVER be homeless again. I hated the feeling. I won’t let it be that way. Whatever it is that needs to happen I will find a way to execute. I’m a GREAT mother and wonderful teacher. I have skills, talent and a proper education. There is no reason for me to stay here in the land of the discarded any longer. I’m relevant. And useful. And more then that, I’m an asset to anyone in a variety of different professions. Good things are happening every day. But security continues to allude me. I’m willing to accept the blame but only if it comes with some solid and useful advice on how to fix my strategies. Or a job offer, that would be nice. So please bare with me. This blog began as a homeless mom’s chronicle of her experiences being such. But I’ve found a better way to be and I don’t want to go back there. So I’ll keep you informed as to how that new vocation is going; You know “No Longer Homeless”. And ensure you that though the subject of being homeless is fascinating the reality of it is horrifying and I will do everything I can to not allow it to happen to my family again. I already have three part times jobs (including subbing) so it should help me out. Ut- OH! There’s that word “Should” again…

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