Our now, our moments are building our future bridges. Maybe we’ve seemingly made mistakes. And maybe we have fallen into darkness and miss placed planks and hammered faulty nails but even these will lead us to the places we need to go to be who we are meant to be. When we step on that mislaid plank, when we fall to the ravine below, we are falling to where we are meant to be. When we are beaten and bruised, tossed and tumbled over rocks that cut us and break our bones through water that fills our lungs and blocks our mouths and noses we arrive on a bank, dark and wet, cold and nearly dead because that is how we had to arrive on that bank. Because without the healing that we have to invent, without the forceful decision to rise despite our broken bodies and heavy lungs we do not, can not, develop the strength and control to carry us through the dark woods in front of us. And all the torment was meant to prepare us for what fate knew was waiting for us. We were well trained. We were well prepared. And the darkness doesn’t seem so bad after near death, near drowning and finding a way to walk again.
Courage is not a faultless character trait. It is not something that stays steady and constant. It is a thing that develops from many bouts with weakness and doubt. It is the result of walking while crying and reaching while hurting and there is nothing, no bad times, no sadness and no heart ache that can set in that will not lead to it. Courage happens when we keep going. It happens as we rise upon the broken leg and limp down a dark and dangerous road. It doesn’t happen before. It happens during. Because of the choice we’ve made to keep going. And if we whine, if we cry, if we yell out in hatred and despair we are still courageous as long as we keep moving.
I pity those who always smile. They do not give themselves a chance to really be happy. Because happiness is the end result of courageous endeavors. It’s part pride, part fulfillment, and part remembrance of all the times when it wasn’t around. And then it’s truly lived. For all and any person, anybody that is suffering, that hurts and that is lost- I envy you. Because you are being trained. Trained to step toward your fate and be all that you are meant to be. For that future venture, for that destined reward your heart is breaking, your soul is tempted, your vision blurred and your senses distorted. You are being readied for your own greatness. Don’t loose hope. Don’t loose sight of tomorrow. It will come. You were meant to have it. And it is waiting for you.
Peace and love to all of those tonight who feel alone. All of those who know that their time has come to an end and they no longer need to go on. You are at a cross road. You are being faced with your greatest challenge. To find pride in the midst of self loathing, to find hope in the midst of despair and to find your dreams in the midst of a chilly numbness. You are asked here for a reason. For a lesson. For a preparation for the fate that awaits you. Do not inhibit it. You will only be damned to relive it again. Life is short only for those who do not waste it. For those that avoid it is a laborious missed opportunity. Cry when you want to, where ever you need to. Complain and rage and beat on something if you need to. Don’t doubt your own pain, feel your own pain because that pain is a beautiful feeling. It means you LIVE. It means you are ALIVE and that blood is still moving and chances are still up for grabbing. Rage and roar and bitch and moan and never doubt your right to do so. Never doubt your right to revel in every one of your emotions, they are meant to keep you awake- and ALIVE. Do not suppress your “negative” emotions to paste “positive” ones in their place. A life without some negative is as unbalanced as a life with too much of it. We are all molecules and molecules need both the positive and the negative to be balanced and keep existing. So do not fear your hard times. And do not loath your hard feelings. They have been put into place for the same reason as your easy ones; to keep you alive. And feeling is the essence of life. Live it to the fullest. Even when it is the darkest. You do not need light to feel. So what you feel in the dark is all that more important. Listen to it. Respect it and appreciate it. That feeling, those feelings are the light within the dark, the one that doesn’t need to exist outside of you. Feel. Be and keep on being. And cry. And love. And be depressed to the point of being crushed then rise, by some miracle and leap of faith, rise. And you’ll realize, even if you’re still in the dark, you are lighter.
I believe in destiny. I believe in you and me. I believe that what ever I believe is here inside my heart because I am meant to be with you and was put here on this earth to complete you. And as whole as I feel now it is not as whole as I will feel once we’ve come together. And my dark times have prepared me. And I am meant to be. Someone loved me enough to give me all I needed to get me ready for all the wonderful things I deserve. I am impatient. But I do not doubt. And so now, I write to remind myself that despite my imperfections and what ever it is that I’m doing or have done that I think has messed things up and lead me off track has only served to help me progress in the life I was meant to live. And I’m meant for greatness if only because I was meant to be me.
And I welcome you. Because I’m ready now. And know you have prepared for me too.
Thank you 🙂