Forgiveness

Forgiveness is not excusing the wrong someone has done to you. It’s letting go of the bitterness and vengeful feelings that that wrong has inspired you to feel. It’s realizing that you’ve been blessed because somebody capable of treating you that carelessly has walked out of your life. You do not have to forgive to forget. You just have to realize that what you remember about that person is a statement of who they are not who you are and no matter what they’ve done, no matter what they’ve said, they haven’t changed or harmed who you are. You have every right to remember them as a selfish and hurtful person. They have behaved that way and that is your experience with them. But you let go of the anger and the pain associated with your experiences with them. When you don’t they have power over you.

I have had to find away to let go of someone I held dear to me. The reasons they were dear turned out to be fantastical and a large part of my pain was discovering how fake they really are. BUT… my thoughts of revenge, my jealously, my longing is all about me and they are my primary sources of torture. If I don’t let them go I’ll continue to eat away at myself and perhaps, because of my fiery temper, act out in a way that I won’t easily recover from. But why do that? I am hurting right now primarily because I have not found a way to forgive this person- I have not found away to let go of the pain, hurt and confusion they’ve caused me, of the longing and disappointment I’ve experienced over them. And of course, a part of me still wants them, still longs for them to be who I needed them to be. But that’s me torturing me. They’ve shown me who they are in how they’ve treated me, in the choice they made. I’m still clinging and don’t want to let go. But I have to. For my sake. How I will look upon them in the future I do not know. What I know now is I can’t keep feeling these things. They’re tormenting me, and I don’t have the energy for that.

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